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Fast Facts
Name: Arnold
Homebase: Bulacan, Philippines
Birthday: Oct 08
Star Sign: Libra
Height: 5'7"
Weight: 115 107.8 lbs as per APE last March 2006
Interests: music, poetry, tv, people, twins, photographs, letters, sky, sunset, outdoors, night, sea, fish crackers, pancit, ice cream, spicy foods, dark chocolate, conversations, love, hate, transition, sensuality, buhay-buhay lalo na ng mga taong malalapit sakin
Defense Mechanism: shy smile
Current Location: Makati, also consider California as the other. :p
See my complete profile
Tick Tock Says the Clock
Kids Say The Darnest Things
By The Shore
Tracks
Stomp Into My Beat
They Like to Move It, Move It
Trippings
Music Sounds Better With You
When you move it like this...
I can shake it like that.
Bilmoko
1. manual and/or digital camera/s
2. own pc
3. cds/dvds/vcds/dvd player
4. lava lamp
5. magic 8 ball
6. girlfriend from heaven t-shirt from artwork
7. black leather shoes
8. nice pair of jeans
9. of a man (bodyshop)
10. eye glasses
I Wish I May, I Wish I Might
1. talent in music
2. maturity
3. gentler mother nature
4. less rainy days
5. someone who would consume my time (..hayyy) and energy (..haha!) 
Message In A Bottle
"Be not afraid."
-Pope John Paul II, World Youth Day '95
Kudos
Hit Me
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Friday, January 28, 2005
Reminiscing Quezon
Ok. Forgive my reaction time malfuntion again.
This week's episode of Extra Challenge was shot in Real, Quezon. I'm not a big fan of the show but I watched it anyway to check how it looked like after the landslide.
It has been over two or three years since I, with my friends back in college, went there for our regular sembreak and summer getaway. My first time there was back in August 2000. Sinabayan namin ng outing ng outing ang welga nun sa Manila. Almost all of our parents thought that we had our regular class that day. Some even had a fresh-from-the-computer-printer letter of permission for field collection kuno.
We spent the night at my friend's aunt's beach resort in Real. Too much excitement made us swim around 5 a.m. the next day. That was the time we enjoyed the beauty of the deep blue. What a scenery!
To the waterfalls, we headed. Spent the rest of the afternoon there. Then, went to the house of the other aunt of my friend in the next town, which is in Infanta. We had another food overload there. Her aunt really prepared for our visit.
Since the girls were taking a bath in the bathroom. We, the guys, had ours near their babuyan. Medyo nahihiya kami kasi yung ibang kamag-anak ng kaibigan namin, e andun nakaupo sa may babuyan at nagkukwentuhan. Kaya napapanood nila kami habang naliligo. Biruin mo, pa'no kami magsasabong mabuti? Pa'no kami maghihilod? Lalo na, pa'no kami magkukuskos ng dapat kuskusin? Alam mo na siguro kung ano yun.
The second time I was there was year 2001 or 2002. Nagyaya kasi yung mga di nakasama nun. We didn't go to the beach. It's was a long walk going to the where the water was cascading. Doon na din kami kumain ng tanghalian sa may batuhan ng falls.
Enough of my trip. The place was really devastated by the, I think two storms that hit the country last year. Mud, water, big stones coming from the denuded forest, from the set of mountains. The houses, the roads were ruined. Ayos pa naman yung mga zigzag dun. Not to forget the lives that were taken. From the show last night, the province is still in its recovery period.
May God bless them more.
Taken during my second trip in Real, Quezon. With me (dipped in the water) enjoying the waterfalls were (L-R) Kookai, Alex, Roselyn, Prezy, AC, Joms, Xixa and Annette. Ronald took the picture.
posted by Arn  at 1:30 PM
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Thursday, January 27, 2005
Meet The Twixters
Alright, it's not the Fockers this time. This post at pinoyexchange.com caught my eyes. The post about "twixters" by ^paolo^. And it reads,
Are you a TWIXTER?
I read this article in Time Magazine while in the bookstore the other day and it kinda hit home personally. Though, this article is mainly focused on American culture... I still felt that it was applicable to myself as well. So, read on and judge for yourself... are you a TWIXTER?
(this is only an excerpt of the article though)
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Grow Up? Not So Fast
Meet the twixters. They're not kids anymore, but they're not adults either. why a new breed of young people won't—or can't?—settle down
By LEV GROSSMAN
Michele, Ellen, Nathan, Corinne, Marcus and Jennie are friends. All of them live in Chicago. They go out three nights a week, sometimes more. Each of them has had several jobs since college; Ellen is on her 17th, counting internships, since 1996. They don't own homes.
They change apartments frequently. None of them are married, none have children. All of them are from 24 to 28 years old.
Thirty years ago, people like Michele, Ellen, Nathan, Corinne, Marcus and Jennie didn't exist, statistically speaking. Back then, the median age for an American woman to get married was 21. She had her first child at 22. Now it all takes longer. It's 25 for the wedding and 25 for baby. It appears to take young people longer to graduate from college, settle into careers and buy their first homes. What are they waiting for? Who are these permanent adolescents, these twentysomething Peter Pans? And why can't they grow up?
Everybody knows a few of them—full-grown men and women who still live with their parents, who dress and talk and party as they did in their teens, hopping from job to job and date to date, having fun but seemingly going nowhere. Ten years ago, we might have called them Generation X, or slackers, but those labels don't quite fit anymore.
This isn't just a trend, a temporary fad or a generational hiccup. This is a much larger phenomenon, of a different kind and a different order.
Social scientists are starting to realize that a permanent shift has taken place in the way we live our lives. In the past, people moved from childhood to adolescence and from adolescence to adulthood, but today there is a new, intermediate phase along the way. The years from 18 until 25 and even beyond have become a distinct and separate life stage, a strange, transitional never-never land between adolescence and adulthood in which people stall for a few extra years, putting off the iron cage of adult responsibility that constantly threatens to crash down on them. They're betwixt and between. You could call them twixters.
Where did the twixters come from? And what's taking them so long to get where they're going? Some of the sociologists, psychologists and demographers who study this new life stage see it as a good thing.
The twixters aren't lazy, the argument goes, they're reaping the fruit of decades of American affluence (in our case, the fruit of our parents' labor) and social liberation. This new period is a chance for young people to savor the pleasures of irresponsibility, search their souls and choose their life paths. But more historically and economically minded scholars see it differently. They are worried that twixters aren't growing up because they can't. Those researchers fear that whatever cultural machinery used to turn kids into grownups has broken down, that society no longer provides young people with the moral backbone and the financial wherewithal to take their rightful places in the adult world. Could growing up be harder than it used to be?
The sociologists, psychologists, economists and others who study this age group have many names for this new phase of life—"youthhood," "adultescence"—and they call people in their 20s "kidults" and "boomerang kids," none of which have quite stuck. Terri Apter, a psychologist at the University of Cambridge in England and the author of The Myth of Maturity, calls them "thresholders."
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Here's a say from a twixter, if I could be classified as one.
Guilty. Opo, ako. Guilty dito. Kahit na beinte tres anyos pa lang ako. Di kaya mid-life crisis yung ganto kesa tawaging twixters? Well, mid-life crisis is a state while twixters are the people who might be in that state.
It's been almost three years since I got my college diploma. Pero sa totoo lang, di pa ko nakaka-move on. Eto na lang nga lagi hirit ko sa mga kaibigan ko na kung gaano ko nami-miss ang lahat ng may kinalaman sa college. Siguro kasi mas carefree ko nun. Mas laidback. Less worries. Mas free spirited. Ngayon? Naku. Unang-una ko nang nasasa-isip, eh ang mag-generate ng pera sa lubos ng aking makakaya for security. Ako kaya ang panganay. So, naiisip ko din yung time na may sarili na kong buhay. Alam mo yun.
Pero di pa ko mag-aasawa. Di pa pede. But I've thought about marriage even during college days. "I would be married by the age of 25," that's what I've told myself. I'm 23. Two years to go. *kamot-ulo* Parang ayoko pa. Hehe!
Ang dami, dami, dami, dami ko pang gustong gawin at pag-aksayahan ng panahon. Tamo, a. May mga tatapusin pa ko. May mga gusto pa kong matutunan. May mga gusto pa kong ipagpatuloy. May mga sisimulan pa din ako. Basta nakahilera na yang mga plano na yan. Pero ang pagpapamilya? Naku. Wag muna.
Ganito yata talaga ang iniiwasan lalo na ng mga lalaki - ang pag-aasawa o ang buhay may-asawa. Biruin mo, lalaki lahat ang may responsibilidad. Di ko naman sinasabing walang maitutulong ang babaeng asawa. Halos lahat lamang ng pag-iisip kung pano mapapabuti ang pamilya, e nasa lalaki yun. Syempre may ego di kami kaya dapat kaya naming magdala ng isang pamilya, na kaya naming mag-provide, na kaya naming patatagin at bigyan ng magandang buhay ang lahat sa pamilya. Masyado na bang ambisyoso? Pero ganun talaga. Security, dude. Security. :bleh:
Isang point sa article na nasa itaas, e yung pag-"grow up". Heller! Are you people? Eh, lahat naman kaya may child inside. I mean, there's a child in everyone of us. Plus, boys will always be boys. Sabi nga ng iba, "Men never grow up." Lahat naman, e may certain phase in their lives kung san nagsisimula silang umusad. Mag-grow kumbaga. Pero di naman siguro applicable yung growth spurt dito. It's how one matures siguro. Yung development. Yung learning experience everyday. Yung how well or how bad you get by each and every single day.
Adolescence and adulthood? Is there any difference? Ano ba yun? Umabot ako sa ganitong edad na di ko alam? Di naman. Siguro I'm stuck between adolescence and the young adult stage. Take note, it's young adult. I'm not yet a full blown adult. Though I know I could impregnate a fertile lady. But not yet. Just a young adult.. a young adult, buddy.
I think the bottom line about twixters is all about career or their passion in life. I don't want to generalize the idea. Some might be busy dealing with their chosen profession. Some might still be enjoying the dating game. Others might still be fulfilling their life long dream or something. It's all about being busy.. about maximizing one's potentials. And probably, that's what's affecting the personal, or should I say love life, of my fellow twixters. *ouch*
Give us time, uki.
posted by Arn at 11:38 AM
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Saturday, January 22, 2005
What Kind of Soul Am I? (The quiz)
I'm exceptionally artistic! Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.
Fair enough. Perhaps they haven't. But now that you know, you must become one with your inner self.
I'm not exceptionally artistic, ok.
Virtues: You look for immense creativity and individuality in people, including yourself. You're not happy with anything less than brilliant, and you focus on being expressive. You value energy, liveliness, and upbeat personalities, but you're not supportive of moodiness when you yourself can be unreliably moody. Seeking activity, you like the bustle of business but need the secluded atmosphere of a studio or private corner.
I also like people who would boost my energy on something like a good conversation, asaran, things that would make my brain cells work.
I have to agree that I'm a bit moody. I could change from a one happy boy who got his much awaited happy meal toy to a police officer who got fired from service.
Aspirations: You feel the need to express your talents, whether it be through writing, drawing, singing, dancing, composing, performing, or photographing. While you strive to ever improve your work, you want to display it as soon as possible when your impatience kicks in. You want to be a prodigy but you might not have the means right at your fingertips. Trust me, do NOT move to New York to do it. Yeesh!
I like the arts in general, though I still have to feed on more info on what's what and who's who in the world of art. But I do appreciate it most especially, poetry, essays, dance, photography and painting. I wish I know how to play with those pencils, colors and paint brushes. I also wish that I'm best friends with the canvas. All I could do is stick drawings. Did I mention I can do abstraction? Haha!
After I finished something, let's say a poem, I would be the most demanding friend of you life, given you're one of my closest because I would be bugging you to read my work and interpret then criticize it.
Quirks: Conformists bother you because of their lack of individuality. You're often late or unreliable. You're showy and refuse to share the spotlight. You only tell little white lies. You worm your way into the hearts of others, but be careful; some people despise the show-offs.
Conformists do annoy me at times. But I have patience on them. Because I also conform on what the society sets. But usually, I breakaway. It's not that I like being different. It's not rebelling. I would have to say that the road less travelled is the one I prefer to take. Nakanam.
Little white lies? Yes. Just little. In fact, very little. ;o)
Factors: Surround yourself with activity and you'll always have material to work with. Involve friends and family in your projects so they don't feel like envious outsiders.
This is what I love to do.. get busy. I don't want to just lay around and watch my belly grow.
Future: Show business or not, you'll settle down happily if you're among those who appreciate your natural talents and desire to perform. Don't stay in one place too long, and don't be too hasty in defining your relationships. Who are you to judge what only time will tell?
Show business? Di ako kutis artista, eh. Haha! All I need is myself. Believe in my talents. What? Talents!? Oh, well. That sounded like a hundred percent confidence level, did it? Hehe. Probably, join a group or org with same interest as mine so I could exchange experiences and styles whatever. Share my life. Share theirs. This is not a selfish world, is it?
Am I too hasty in defining relationships? Maybe. Or maybe not. I just want to be assured that I am in a relationship no matter what kind. I don't want to be walking in the street with a group of people that I love just to find out that all of a sudden they're gone when I turn around. (Uhm, Mayk. Please explain "seasonal." Haha! Sa'yo namin natutunan 'yan.) Of course, I don't need to ask all of my friends and love ones the questions like, "How long will you be here for me?", "Are we really friends?", "Do you think how long we'll stay together?" or the deadliest of 'em all, "Do you love me?" Need I breakdown and cry? (It's all in the mind, Pareng Arn-Arn, oo.)
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Alright. I haven't posted yet about the thing I promised last Thursday (from the entry below). I find it hard to think (munimuni) about some things when it's 3, 4pm. Sleepiness regularly knocks on my sytem during this hour. My work ends at 5. Usually, my brain works at its best (Ows?!) at 6 or 7pm. Oh, damn. I would not want to overstay till 7 to finish a post. I would be caught in traffic.
posted by Arn at 3:58 PM
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Thursday, January 20, 2005
Isinilang Ka Sa Mundong Ito...
Happy, happy birthday to : my nephew, Akie (Jan. 12); my friends in college Kookai (Jan. 14) and Roselyn (Jan. 15) --- belated na 'to. Sensya na.. ; and Mayk (Jan. 22), my friend through PEx. Oist Mayk, manlibre ka. Basta, a. Haha!
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I'm supposed to post something about the current status of my heart. But I decided to put that on tomorrow's entry. Hope the current feeling would be there still. Parang gusto kong mag-blush. Nakanam.
Anyway, I'm about to logout from work. I think I would grab again a cup of freeze mocha from Dunkin' Donuts.
Have a good evening everyone. I miss my friend who greeted me good morning from the very first text message I received from today. I think I'm beginning to fall. Uhm, fall? Grrr. Stop me. Noooooo. My heart... oh, my heart. *puts hand on the chest, sighs, then shakes head*
Bye friendly friends!
posted by Arn at 1:45 PM
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Wednesday, January 19, 2005
FW: Advice for the married, planning to get married, single but not available, single and available, no love life
This is an email which was forwarded to me by my friend, Margaux last Feb. 23, 2004. It's almost a year since this was sent to me. I don't know why I still keep it in my inbox. Probably, I'm still contemplating on what status I'm in from the given choices above.
Again, my take on this article is in italics.
PARTNERS AND MARRIAGE
By Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz
I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives.
When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate.
When I was younger, too,(Naks. Ginaya ko pa yung simula.) I used to think that all people experience married life. For me, everyone is raised by their parents. Everyone would go to school. Everyone would have to get a job. Then, be married. But none of these are a hundred percent true. Not all are raised by their parents. Not all all could go to school. Not all would get a job. Not all would be married.
And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the other's habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other?
There are couples who do stand out when it comes to relationships. It's nice to look at them. Then, maybe after I would ask myself what's wrong with me or with the one that I love that makes our relationship sour. It's not so healthy to compare ones status. But at least, I get to see what seems to be ideal and real. There might be some instances where I would tell myself that I want this kind of love or I want to show you this kind of love because this is what I have experienced or this is what I haven't yet. Or maybe I would look at a couple close to me and see them as role models. Or maybe not. Of course, I still want to love the way I want to love.
The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages.
What if the one that I would choose doesn't know me yet? (Eh, di magpakilala ka. Torpedo na naman po.) Or the one that I would choose would not choose me? Compatibility is one thing. But I think it's more of the "give-and-take" relationship that couples have. I know each must have patience, trust, love, concern, everything towards the other. And the other is also expected to share, not on the same level of his/her loved one, the best he/she could.
Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side.
This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.
Sex is not the basic requirement in a romantic relationship. Ok. I'm not a rock. I'm still warm. But sex before sharing a romantic relationship is not a guaranteed love for both parties. Sometimes, a one night stand may lead to a good and lasting relationship. Most of the time, the act is just for pleasure.We're all here to discover new things about ourselves, about this world, about this life. I would not argue if sexual encounters would be on the top of the list for some. It's a matter of choice. Some learn after the experience. Some get addicted. Some get devastated. I don't have to be hooked just to know that i would be hooked in the future.The body only follows what the owner of that body's mind tells.
The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.
Parang pinapatamaan ako ng talatang 'to, a. Hmp! Oo na. Guilty ko dito. Pero sakin na lang 'yun. Di ko na i-e-elaborate. Next paragraph, please. (Makatakas lang, e 'no? Hehe)
This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each other's company over the long term.
If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.
A picture of a couple laughing together is one of the sexiest in my eyes.Their glances at each other. Their smiles. their movements. All beyond words.
Laughter makes eveything lighter. It turns life brighter.
Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.
After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.
Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance doesn't become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.
"We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic." Aba. Gusto ko 'to, a. Siguro yung lalim ng kahulugan ng buhay ang nagsisilbing akda sa pang-araw-araw. It's the profound meaning of it. (parang in-Ingles ko lang yung una kong sentence, a.)
There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.
Could it be the one who is destined to fill the missing part of the heart is still out there waiting? Or the one that is married to him/her is not the exact half of the missing piece? Or the heart is not in love at all period? Hmm, maybe.Just a maybe.
So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word. There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe.
Transformation? I found this interesting ad in one of the Asian magazines. It showed a scene just after the marriage. You know when it's the time to take pictures with the relatives. In front of the bride and groom, there's the ring bearer with his lips kissing the cheeks of the flower girl. The girl sticked out her tongue and looked a bit pissed. And the ad reads, "It's the same everywhere. Little girls hate little boys. Then, they get married."
Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come.
If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed. We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger. It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter.
I have to agree. Love does not have all the positive. It could also bring the negative in a person. I could associate it with hate. (e.g. I hate the ones who hurt the one I love. Something like that.) I'm going to bash myself with that statement. Because when in love, everything seems to be right.Everything is beautiful.
But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presence, two separate consciousnesses come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one. There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains.
But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.
I think it's living your life together as a married couple. Spending each day with each other. Seeing each grow in every aspect in life.Overcoming each day through good or bad. Knowing that you have another life to take good care of. These are some things that would bring you closer to each other...that would make you love one another deeper.
So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom...endlessly.
I'm not afraid to get married. Excited na nga ako, e. Joke. It's life changing kasi kaya madami din ang kinakabahan, di naman takot. Kaya ayun, ingat din syempre. Nasa huli ang pagsisisi. Parang ang negative, a.
Pansin ko lang, a. Ang ending ata ng artikulong 'to, e patungkol din sa pagpapakasal. Di mo naman kami inuudyok, 'no? Ha Eduardo Calasanz? Haha. *peace*
O, s'ya. Humayo tayo't magpakarami. Ay, sh*t! Kasal muna, a.
******************
Eduardo Calasanz was a student at the Ateneo Manila University, Philippines, where he had Father Ferriols as professor. Father Ferriols, at that time, was the Philosophy department head. Currently he still teaches Philosophy for graduating college students in Ateneo.
Father Ferriols has been very popular for his mind opening and enriching classes but was also notorious for the grades he gives. Still people took his classes for the learning and deep insight they take home with them every day (if only they could do something about the grades...)
Anyway, come grade giving time, (Ateneo has letter grading systems, the highest being an A, lowest at D, with F for flunk), Fr Ferriols had this long discussion with the registrar people because he wanted to give Calasanz an A+. Either that or he doesn't teach at all...Calasanz got his A+. Read the paper below to find out why.
posted by Arn at 1:12 PM
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Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Blood is not thicker than water
I can't believe that loser will have a space here in my blog.
By the time I would close my weekend wth e smile, a major drama happened. I'd try to make the long story short. I was already brushing my teeth and about to get some sleep at around 9pm last Sunday when my eldest half brother came home. I think he was a bit drunk, or maybe not just a bit. One would notice when he's home. Chine-check nun kung ano pagkain tas malakas magbagsak ng kung anuman na nasa lamesa. As is isang hari na hinahainan mo na lang.
I'm done cleaning myself. I stayed in our living room for a few minutes because I was still writing something while listening to the radio. I think he washed his dirty plate and cup. Tapos, nung binabalik na nya yung mga yun, e padabog talaga. Yung nakakairita. Kasama ko yung isa kong kapatid na nakaupo sa sala at nagre-review sya para sa prelims nya. Tas sa sobrang pagkairita ko na, e sinara ko ng malakas yung pinto. Pagkatapos nun, ayun na. Nagbasag na naman for the nth time. Una nyang hinagis yung lalagyan nya ng kutsara. Tas yung plato. tas binasag yung salamin sa cabinet. E, natutulog yung kapatid ko. Nagising dahil sa may kwarto nya nahagis yung mga yun. Tas nagtanong kung ano na naman problema. Tas sinabi nung loser na yun na nagdadabog daw ako. Tas tinanong ng kapatid ko na, "Pinagdadabugan ka ba?" Tas sagot nun, "Tanungin mo kuya mo?" Eh, ako N.R. lang ako. Tas sinabi na ng kapatid ko na, "Hanggang kelan ka ba magbabasag? Hanggang maubos lahat ng gamit dito? Ikaw pinakamatanda dito pero tignan mo sarili mo." Basta madami pang sagutan, e.
Ako, N.R. lang talaga. Tas nakatitig lang ako sa kanya na parang nasusuya ako o kung anuman. Tas umiiyak na nun ang kapatid ko. Maiiyak na ko nun kaso pinipigil ko. Tas sabay dating ng isa kong ate. Naabutan nya. Sya kasi huling biktima ng pag-iinarte ng kapatid namin na yun, e. Tas pinatawag sakin yung isa kong kuya kaya natigil ang drama.
Malamang nga ako nag-trigger na magbasag na naman yun. Pero lagi naman ganun yun. Adik kasi yun dati. (Ewan ko lang ngayon) Di ko kinakahiyang sabihin yan. Kasi unang-una sya yun. Hindi ako. Tsaka matagal ko nang tinatak sa sarili ko na di ko sya buong kapatid. Alam mo yun, ilang beses na sya binigyan ng chance na magbago. May trabaho na uling binigay sa kanya nun kaso ala pa din. Mas naaawa ako ngayon sa mga taong di binigyan ng chance sa buhay lesa sa kanya.
Sobrang mommy ko din naghirap. Lahat kaya sila sa bahay takot sa kanya lalo na pag nagdadabog. Kailangan kong hindi magpasindak kasi sino na lang magpoprotekta sa mga kapatid at nanay ko. Nung huling nag-usap kami nun, e 2nd year col lege pa ata ako. At di matinong usap yun, a. Word war . Basta ayoko lang ng may umaagrabiyado sa mga mahal ko.
Yun talagang gabing yun, e nakatitig lang ako sa kanya habang nagbubunganga dun. Ang cool ko nga lang nun, e. Di ko rin nilinis yung mga binasag nya. Kaya ayun, wala syang gamit. Sa palad sya kumain. Tangina nya.
Madalas pa yun may dalang bible , a at nagbabasa-basa kuno sa may likod-bahay namin. May "Purpose Driven Life " pa yun. Tas madalas ubo ng ubo na animo'y may sakit. Tas tatahi-tahimik na kunwari walang kibo. Madalas talaga magbasag yun. Tas nagsasalita mag-isa. Minsan English pa nga. Sosy ng puta. Baliw nga siguro. Pero alam ko na drama lang nya lahat ng yun. Purpose Driven Life? May Born Again session pa yan. Kung ganyan ang klase ng drama nya, e he's out . Napanood ko na yan sa pelikula.
Lahat talaga samin, e iwas na sa kanya. Maski mga pamangkin kong bata, e takot talaga. Wala talaga syang masisisi kasi siya lahat may kasalanan. Maski nga yung syota nya e ano nangyari? Eh, di iniwan sya kasi kung ano gusto nya e yun ang masusunod. Wala talagang maka-kontrol dun maski tatay ko mismo noon. Kaya ngayon, ayan. Pagod na lahat.
Sorry kung may mga mura yung post ko. Talagang galit lang ako. That bastard. Basta di ko lang makwento lahat. Napuno na kasi lahat ng tao sa kanya sa bahay. Di sya pinagkakaisahan. Iniiwasan na lang sya.
Kapatid ko sya, oo. Pero hanggang dun lang yun. Mas importante pa rin sakin yung walang tuldok pagkatapos ng salita ( Halimbawa kapatid, kaibigan, kakwentuhan.. di ba comma ang kasunod nun.. nagbigay pa talaga ko ng halimbawa no? Haha.. Para naman di masyado init ulo ko) Ilang taon ko na rin kais totally at literally di kinakausap yun. At masaya ko sa desisyon na yun. Tsaka ang dami ko nang kaibigan na parang kapatid ko na din. Kaya dun pa lang e solb na ko. Tsaka di ko kinalakihan na kuya ko yun. Mas may dating sakin yung sa simula, e wala kaming koneksyon o stangers kami tas paglaki namin, e magiging matalik na magkaibigan kami. Pag kasi kadugo automatic na dapat kakilala ko agad.
Basta pag nagkakasalubong kami sa bahay o kalsada wala lang. Taas noo pa rin akong nakakalakad. Siya, e yumuyuko. Sana mahiya naman sya maski sa mga kapitbahay at mga kamag-anak namin. Ewan ko lang. Desidido na kasi ko na wala nang epekto sakin nandyan man sya o wala.
Ngayon, blood is thicker than water pa ba? Malabo.
P.S.
I don't usually do this. But I'ma give you a dirty finger.
posted by Arn at 10:42 AM
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Friday, January 14, 2005
Subject: Senti moments
(Forwarded email from my friend, Anne)
My personal take on this one is in italics.
TOO often people want what they want, or think they want at the moment,which is usually "happiness" right now. The irony of their impatience is that only by learning to wait, and by willingness to accept the bad with the good do we usually attain those things that are truly worthwhile. I have a blessing which is sometimes seen as a curse. I am blessed with the gift of being single.
For most of us twenty something young professionals, it seems the world has already come up with its own set of expectations on how we should live life. The world expects us to finish school in our early twenties, get a job, find the love of our lives by the time we reach our mid-twenties, marry and have kids. But the thing is, not everyone sees their dreams come true in the same way. In this article, I shall try to endeavor to change the way the world looks at being single.
The Art of Contentment. For most of us, being single will be more of a phase than a final destination. This is the best place to practice the art of contentment. Someday, I'm sure most of us will fall in love and get married. But the thing is, love will always be tested. Someone more handsome, more charming, richer, funnier, sweeter would come along. If you have not practiced the art of contentment as a single person, chances are you would be tempted to want that and not cherish your chosen one. Practicing the Art of Contentment as a single person means that you take what life gives you, good or bad, you're willing to see it through. It means you don't walk away every time things get tough because it builds in you patience, perseverance, understanding and a hundred different virtues that people in a hurry will never have. Being single means you would find how it feels to be alone thus, allowing you to cherish every moment you spend with your chosen one. The art of contentment means you wouldn't mind if life had to make you wait for so long to find the love of your life, because you know that the waiting would only make the finding much sweeter.
Yes. Being single is a phase in my life just like childhood. I think this is the best part of my life to enjoy what I love to do alone (syempre, yung mga mabubuting bagay yun, a. Ano iniisip mo? :p ). Di ba kasi pag isa ka lang, e sarili mo lang ang iniisip mo. Di naman sa pagiging makasarili o self-centered pero kung may masaktan man, di ako naman siguro mandadamay ng iba. Kaya nga single. Although, some people who love me (Uyy!) might get hurt along the way. Pero iba din kasi yung degree ng sakit pag nasaktan ako tas romantically attached ako. Dalawa kaming masasaktan. Doble pa kasi dalawa kami. Masakit na sakin tas mas masasaktan pa ko kasi nasasaktan sya. Teka. Ba't puro sakit ang andito? Baka isipin nyo, a. I'm clean. Hehe.
Seriously, being single is not only the best training ground for me to practice "the art of contentment" but to mold myself to a better person as well. Sure, I would experience so many things... meet a whole new set of people, break relationships, choose a career, elevate my spiritual being, etc. Diversity. I would learn from that. I think it's about the smile on my face at the end of the day, before I rest myself to sleep. That would make me say that I'm single. I'm alone. But I'm not lonely.
A Time to Know Yourself Better. Being single is a time of your life when you can get to know yourself better. You can pursue different interests and passions without having to ask another person's approval. It is a phase when you can keep focus on other things, discover your potentials and talents, and see yourself become more than what you expect to be. Allow yourself to surprise you. Stop wasting precious energy trying to figure out why you're still romantically unattached. It's all in the mind. Take the time to go see your friends, spend time with your family, do charity work and you will realize that you are not, and never for one moment, was alone.Try to get to know yourself first before you try to get to know other people. To be truly loved means to be known and accepted for who you are.How do you expect other people to know you and to love you, when you don't know who and what you really are?
This I like. Though most of the time I always seek for approval, I do not really like asking permission to someone. Can I go out with my friends? Can I call you? Can I grow my hair? These stuff. More I don't like are the rules that are set to me by the one whom I choose to love. I mean, I have a mind of my own. Di ko na naman siguro kailangan ng isa pang nanay. Pero naisip ko din na sa isang relasyon, e dalawa na kami. Di lang ako. Probably, I am being selfish on this one. Anyway, I know there's so much more that I need to explore. And it would be better if I do it alone.
A Choice between Good and Best. Sometimes the dilemmas we face are not between what is absolutely bad and absolutely good. Sometimes, it's between good and best. Treat this stage of your life as a phase to evaluate who is good for you and who is best for you. Sometimes, you won't hear music, or feel magic to know who's best for you. The heart just knows and it doesn't need any romantically charged scenario to decide on the matter. Trust in your heart, and trust that time will eventually lead you to, not to the perfect partner, but to the most suitable partner for you. Being single is a phase of life that we need to be thankful for, because being single means our hearts have yet to choose the best one for us.
Sometimes, I choose something which would be good for me rather than the best there is. This applies on my decisions about almost everything. For what reason, I have yet to find out. Because having the best would really attract some people and make them envious afterwards. Definitely, that attention would really bother me. So, I would settle for that good choice. But of course, if I already have the best who am I to decline it.
I also think that the music and magic in love which people say they felt when they found love do not exactly happen in all of us. Sa dinami-dami ba naman ng tao sa mundo, e malamang na kahit isa naman dyan, e nakaramdam ng "luv" kahit walang music, magic, o yung kagaya ng sinasabi kong kuryente. Siguro, it's the romantic side of everyone that is pushing us to hope for that spark or that magical or romatic moment that would keep us smiling whenever we think about it. Then, of course, that "you take my breath away" and "sweep me off my feet" hirit would be next in line.
Almost a Non-committal. Jane Austen once wrote, that it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man (or in our times a woman), in possession of a good fortune is in search of a spouse (just to be politically correct). Well, that was what the old school wanted us to believe in. Married life is a path most of us would take, however, it is not the only path there is. Relieve yourself of the pressure and stop making every single, straight guy friend a prospect. You have no business"entrapping" them and asking (which is more like "putting a gun in the head") them of their exclusive attention, if you're not ready for commitment yourself. Sometimes, when you spend too much time trying to find a boyfriend, you normally end up marrying the first loser who comes to yourdoor.
This qoute which reads, "sometimes, we end up in a situation we least to expect to be in." would probably best describe the paragraph above. Marami dyang playboy o playgirl nung kabataan nila. Pero nung tumanda, e single sila. Maybe, they didn't find who they are looking for. Their heart got tired, perhaps. Or they learned so many lessons, or experienced something bad, or promised to change but at the back of their minds, they are telling themselves that they are too old to fall in love (you know how some people dislike the site of older people dating or courting or PDA-ing.), or they are a single parent. In this time and age, the list of possibilities goes.
Pressure at this point? Me? I think just a bit. Two of my siblings had their own share of their love stories. But now they are both single again. So, no boyfriend and girlfriend are visiting them now in our home. Also, I have friends who are still single. Yep. We talk about romantic relationships and love interests and all. We even tease each other. Nag-testi pa nga yung isa kong barkadang babae sa isa kong barkadang lalaki na sana daw maging liberated na yung barkada kong lalaki para magka-girlfriend kasi only child lang daw sya at kailangan daw ng mama nya ng apo. Haha! With my friends in college, that's how we deal with single life. Labas-labas din kami pag may time. Beach. Movies. Yung pressure lang, e kasi I'm the eldest in the family. So, I should be the one to get married first. Baluktot na paniniwala, oo.
Take your time, the world will wait. Being married doesn't guarantee that it will make your life happy. It doesn't guarantee anything at all. Sometimes, it only brings two miserable people together only to make their life even more miserable. Without the right intention, the emotional maturity, financial security and of course, unwavering love, you're better off unattached.
For me, without the whole, complete me when I marry, it would not be marriage at all. I know it would fail. It's not also taking chances everytime. I have to be secured. Yung tipong, o sige. May makakain ngayon. Pero bukas wala. O kaya, ok tayo ngayon. Bukas malay natin. Mas mainam na ok yung foundation ko sa sarili ko na I'm fine and I'm ready for this new chapter / phase of my life. Tas alam ko na ok din ang foundation namin sa relationship. Yes, marriage is not a guarantee for me to be at my happiest state in this life. Nothing is really guaranteed as far as I know. Change is everywhere. But working hard for something worth it is not a bad idea.
Living Life. Don't put your life on hold for Mr. Right but don't let it waste away with Mr. Wrong. Life is about things that you do and happen to you everyday. It's not about the things that could have happened but never did, or things that you think would happen in the future. Live life now. Live it to the fullest and stop beating yourself up, trying to be perfect on a Saturday night date. Allow life to surprise you with it's most wonderful blessings.
Ok. I would be your worst date. That's how I see me. I don't know. But I don't piss that much.I guess I'm surprising (Parang Penshoppe ad 'to, a). Siguro pinakamagandang sabihin, e I shouldn't be preoccuppied by so many things especially those concerning my personal life. Baka tumanda lang ako. Hinay-hinay lang. Di naman sa mahina ang kalaban, pero mas madami pang mga bagay na mas kaaya-aya at mas may maidudulot na magandang bunga. Like... photography? Hmm (Off Topic: Sorry. I'm planning to checkout the Quiapo area sometime for those second hand cams.)
Let me qoute the line that I like best in this article... "I am blessed with the gift of being single."
Cheers to all the SINGLES out there!
posted by Arn at 1:13 PM
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Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Wow!
I forgot to mention yesterday, when I opened my email from my supervisor, my name was there. I bagged the eRep Exellence Award for December 2004. I averaged 3.91 out of 4.00. What a way to end the year and start a new one. At last, after a year of being here. I'm happier. This recognition comes with a thousand bucks, by the way, which will be included in my next pay. I am also waiting for that small paper signed by someone from HR so I could post it on my station.
Oh, that thousand bucks. Malamang mauuwi sa pambayad ng kuryente 'yun. Haha!
Have a good day everyone. :D
posted by Arn at 3:51 PM
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Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Random Thoughts II
I cleaned my room yesterday. There's not much change. I just moved some things out ( Halatang madaming basura no? Haha). Then, came the idea to play with some of my happy meal toys. Yes, I played with some of them as I rested.
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Juliana Palermo? So, is she or isn't she? I just wondered what really happened between her, Cesar and Sunshine. Hmm, the buzz! Haha.
Anyways, saw the Viva Hotbabes in ASAP Mania. They promoted their new single, "Basketball." Sila pala kumanta nun. They were wearing sexier costumes compared to their kikay ones. I didn't mind the song. Mas nakakaaliw silang panoorin lalo na pag di sabay-sabay yung pagsayaw nila. Hehe. Also got a glimpse of them during the halftime of PBA.
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It is just now that the I am affected by what happened here in Asia. No, I'm not numb to feel something ( Opo. Madalas ang reaction time ko talaga, e may sabit). The news saddenned me already since television showed the victims of tsunami. But it was only yesterday that I thought about it's greater impact in me.
I am safe, I know. This country wasn't hit, be thankful. But thinking about lives taken breaks my heart. As I've said before, death cracks something in my system in general. Seeing dead bodies in stacks on tv, cremated ones, most especially the families who continue to search for their missing loved one leave me in awe.
The reality that one would not know his end time. How surprising this life is.
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For the whole week, I should come to work at 7 a.m. Waking up early in the morning isn't such a hassle. I'm a morning person so it's fine. I am still observing what time would it be the easiest to get a ride. But this morning, I wasn't late. I was actually 30 minutes ahead.
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My time in for work is early. And I did not have a good sleep last night. I set my alarm at 3:40 a.m. to give allowance to my an hour and a half morning ritual. I tried to sleep at 10 p.m, which by the way, I'm not used to. I usually sleep a few minutes after 12 m.n. I had to sleep early since my work sked would be four hours earlier.
I was half consciously awake waiting for my fone to alarm. I'm always like that. I wake up even before the alarm rings. I woke up at 1:29 a.m. Then, past 2 a.m. waiting for that ring. Bangag pa tuloy ako ng konti hanggang ngayon. Hayyy.
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Also, this small poetry book of mine reminded me of something. I was cleaning my room and I found it on top of my photo album. That poetry book has small notes from some of my friends. I was the one who forced them to write something in there for me. Just browsed the pages. Read their messages. Then, told myself, "Andyan lang sila kahit di ko sila madalas makita o makausap, a. Ok lang. Alam ko andyan lang yung mga 'yan.." *tas sabay hinga ng mamalim-lalim* "There are places I remember all my life though some have changed..." *singing* Nakanam, lol.
posted by Arn at 1:39 PM
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Friday, January 07, 2005
An Eye Exercise
It's downtime (minimal calls or no calls at all) for me now. I just wondered. I haven't told you yet the things my eyes could see from where I am seated, have I? Ok. Listen. I would look to my left, my right, up there, down, front and back.
Here are the things worth looking at:
To my left: two pcs, one of which is occupied by my supervisor who's been really busy with our new schedule plot; Insular Life bldg can viewed by the window; aha! There's a Victoria's Secret lotion, a mirror, maong jacket, pillows, blankets on one of my teammate's station. A nail polish remover is also hidden at the back of her call master.
To my right: my teammate is eating Oishi Ridges. My water containers are also within my reach. They are just a yard away from me. My file rack is also on my right. It's got losts of tissue papers, by the way; an extra chair; Libre newspaper; small pillow; clocks which tells the time here and in the U.S. (Central, Mountain, Pacific, Eastern); lockers; whiteboard
Above: Christmas decorations still hanging here and there.
Below: plugs; carpet; trash can full of plastic cups, styrophores, 2004 calendar.
At my back: chairs; pcs; pillows; actually my other teammate who's seated behind me just went home.
Infront: the pc I'm currently using. This is not actually my station. Mine is the one on my right. Ok, what do I have here? This pc has some stick ons. A poinsettia decor on the leftside of the monitor. A small sticker that has " They can hear you smiling" note (But the smiley that comes with this note is in "ngiting aso" state..haha!); a dried rose flower; a small picture frame with no picture yet; a "Mealtime Prayers" box; my celfone which is tuned in to Wave 89.9; my notebook; my script/spills, price lists, hotline numbers; my bag; cream puff; a post-it with the note: "appeasement - 10% off - 1 time use only"; editorial report December 2004 (Sorry. I could not mention the client's name) ; U.S. map.
Got an idea now on my office space looks like?
Know what? I just ate lunch. Yes. Lunchtime for me is 3 p.m. I'm a bit full. But that cream puff looks is so tempting. I just finished my chocolate beehive that's why it was not listed about the things in front of me. So, yes. I think I have to eat that cream puff now. Ciao!
posted by Arn at 2:28 PM
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Thursday, January 06, 2005
Your Body Is A Wonderland Vol. I
These things I noticed while looking at myself in front of the mirror after taking a bath:
1. I must agree now with almost all of my friends. My hair is long. I know I need a haircut. But recommend a good salon. And please give me some cash. Hehe!
2. I'm starting to grow facial hair underneath my lower lip. No, it's not a goatie. Some people who want to hook up a bad boy image grow some hair on that area. I'm a good boy, by the way. :D
3. My crawling charlie/ creeping charlie/ happy trail is fastly moving up.
4. I grew a mass of "meat" on my sides. The area they call love handles. There. Definitely, that's the effect of execessive eating due to my Ling Zhi Chuang Yao Wan intake. But I'm still skinny. Huhu.
5. Little, red (not riding hood) plumpy spots were crumpling on my right shoulder. I just thought it's because of the weather. It's too hot every night. And when it's hot, I always get those punishments. Tsk tsk.
I'll try to be more keen next time while obeserving. Just five points for today.
posted by Arn at 7:06 PM
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Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Hit me on the head, please.
These past few days, I think the entries I've posted were non-sense. Light, yeah. Or maybe not. I just published them for the heck of it. I thought I'm done with the so-called "writer's block." I was wrong. I'm still dull. I'm still bored. I'm still blank.
I don't know why ideas slip that fast. Inside the bathroom, I've got good points. While walking along the street, something beautiful comes into my mind. After I sit here on my station, all is gone, faster than pressing the backspace key.
Well, nice thoughts, I think, are still kept unwritten. It's uncomfortable sitting on this cushioned chair. My neck aches. My back aches, too. Then, I crack my knuckles.
I miss my notebook.
posted by Arn at 4:05 PM
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Tuesday, January 04, 2005
[none]
That missed call again.
I really don't have patience on unlisted number appearing on my phone. Ok. One missed call, I can tolerate. But successive ones, grrr!
You know, I've saved more than twenty numbers under your name. How did I know that you were the one bugging me? Ok. Everytime I get a missed call, I save the number. (I save them under the names, The Ring, Bored1, Bored 2..and the list goes.) One time, you texted me and the sender's name which appeared was Bored. Probably, you didn't remember that you were using other numbers before. You even ended that text message with your name. So, I was really sure that was you.
I'm sorry. This is note a hate post. I was just annoyed.
Liz, gaano katagal na nga ba tayong magkaibigan? Sa naaalala ko, e nagkakilala tayo 2nd year college pa lang ako tas 1st year ka naman. Ilang taon na din pala. Di ko na din maalala kung kelan yung date ng huling greeting card na sinend mo sakin. Di ka din naman nag-send ng kahit ano nung birthday ko. Maski nung Pasko.
Pero ako, ganun din. Oo, sinadya ko yun. Sinadya ko na di magbigay ng card o kahit mag-text nung birthday mo last year. Kasi feeling ko nakakasakal na din. Alam mo naman siguro ibig kong sabihin. Hindi tayo. Alam natin yun. Pero bakit ganun?
Di ko alam kung nasa inbox pa ng email ko yung sinend mo sakin na tatlong tula. Napansin ko na ang message nung tatlong yun, e about saying goodbye. Binalewala ko lang yun kasi alam ko wala naman problema. Di ko alam kung manhid lang ba talaga ko o engot-engot lang talaga. Pero dun sa last poem na sinend mo na ganito ata yung isa sa mga lines, "I threw your picture outside my window.." 'Yun, naisip ko ang literal na larawan sa isip ko. May picture ako sa'yo, di ba? Naisip ko na baka tinapon mo na nga o sinunog o pinanakot sa daga. Maiintindihan ko naman yun kasi alam ko galit ka.
O, nag-assume na ko na galit ka nga sakin. Pakiramdam ko lang. Parang wala na yung closeness.. yung bond. Ewan ko lang din kasi baka mali ako. Di pa naman din tayo ulet nakakapag-usap. Pero on my end, parang natigil na yung dating glow. You were nice to talk to. Ang daling magkwento sayo ng bagay na tungkol sakin. In short, pakiramdam ko na may emotional foundation na nga tayo sa isa't-isa. O, baka maaaring mali din ako. Ah, hindi. Manhid lang talaga ko. At alam kong alam mo na manhid ako. Manhid. Manhid.
Meron kang graduation card sakin.. may birthday card.. Dalawang birthday card pa ata yun. Yung mahahaba mong letters na apat na pages ata tas baligtaran pa ang sulat sa papel. Alam mo, nasa akin pa din yung mga yun.. kasama ng iba pang mga importanteng mga sulat sakin. Di ko na din maalala kung anong card yung huli kong na-mail sayo.
Nung nag-miscol ka sakin nung isang araw, di ko na talaga inisip na mag-text at magtanong ng, "hu u?" Kasi sa dinami-dami ng mga naka-save nga na numbers na ginamit mo noon. Tsaka naiinis na din ako. Pede naman kasi mag-text ba't kailangan na ganun pa?
Nakaka-miss din yung dati. Di ko naman sinasabi na napalitan ka na kasi may mga bago na kong mga kaibigan. Pati tuloy ako nag-iisip kung meron ba talagang maliit na diperensya ang pagkakaibigan sa mas higit pa sa pagiging magkaibigan.Sinabi mo pa nun na para kong older brother mo kasi wala ka namang kuya.
Maski sa email, wala. Kahit forwarded messages, e wala na tayo. Siguro ako nga dapat ang mag-first move at magtanong kung ano na nangyayari sayo. Pero ginawa ko na naman yun, di ba? Nag-text na ko tas sinagot mo lang ako ng, "Aba. Nakaalala." Tas wala na ulit. Di ko rin maintindihan. Ginawa mo naman ang lahat to please me. Thank you. Siguro pareho lang tayong magulo.
Kapal ng mukha ko na mag-react sa mga miscols 'no? Kung nainis ako sa mga yun, alam ko mas inis ka sakin. Pasensiya na lang.
For whatever it is I've caused you, I'm sorry. Di ko naman siguro inaksaya oras mo, tinta ng ballpen mo, internet hours mo. Maski sa mga letters naman, e alam ko kung gano ka ka-excited sa mga kwento mo. Pati oras at lugar kung san mo sinulat e nilagay mo pa. Yung mga stickers na nakadikit sa envelope. Yung mga stationary na sinulatan mo. Thank you talaga.
I just don't know what and where we are now. I don't know about tomorrow. I don't know if you received my last text message. I don't know if you still keep my letters. I don't know if you still like me.
Before I close this one, here's one last note:
Liz, I loved you but not the way you wanted me to. Hope to see you again.
posted by Arn at 4:40 PM
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Saturday, January 01, 2005
Kok-korok-kok..
Day one of this year. I'm saying that with a big, big smile.
I was born year of the rooster. Hmm...
I am not talking about my appetite, am I? Haha! Still, bulging tummy because of excessive eating. Always, after arriving in the office, I eat. In less than an hour, I eat again. And again and again. The cycle goes. I ate spicy pancit with rice from Ministop. Then, this dinuguan, which was prepared by my teammate, and 3 slices of bread. There's no stopping my stomach in taking in more carb. I went down and got my free food. Beef with rice and four desserts (This bread with strawberry and blueberry in it). Now, I just finished my four cups of cold Milo. That Chinese drug has done wonders in me.
Anyway, back to the new year. We had fun last night. Actually, I was happy watching my nephews and nieces party last night. They were dancing, playing with some lucis, picture taking. I didn't mingle with everyone because I was so full (Here I go again.) and tired at the same time (It took me more than an hour to get a ride since it was new year's eve). Just watched new year celebrations on different channels on tv. I also got to take red wine that night. Damn! I didn't like the taste. Most probably, my taste buds were already unfamiliar to alcohol tastes. It's been more than a year since I intoxicated myself with liquor.
I slept at almost 1 a.m. This has been the best Christmas and New Year of my life. It was our turn to plan on what to prepare since me and my sister already have our jobs. Plus, 2004 was really a fruitful year for me. With that, I am so thankful.
Sometimes predictions cross my mind and scare me. Some say year of the rooster would be tough since a rooster would only eat on what it would find through puddling the soil. Yeah, right. Well, roosters stay awake whenever there is light. Beat that. They are even more reliable than our alarm clocks...
Cock-a-doodle-doo.. Tiktilaok.. Kok-korok-kokok.. Put-put-put-putak.. Whatever sound they make, they are the first to bring the good news in the morning.. the sun is up and there's a brand new day ahead of us.
Have an even better year ahead of us. Cheers!
posted by Arn at 2:55 PM
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