04.16.06 Easter Sunday
8:51pm
This shift is killing me. And it feels like it takes an hour for me to blink my eyes, change positions on my seat and hit a key on this keyboard.
I know I am tired because my back is hurting. And I normally experience this whenever I feel real tired.
04.19.06 Wed
4:16pm
Music: The Hardest Part - Coldplay
The second day of my training has been finished a few hours back. "This is it," so I told myself.
I am not considering backing out. But I have no other way but to be there. I take it as an opportunity to better myself definitrly aside from being an additional support to my team/account/supervisors/co-reps. Talking too much is just not me. Well, several times I've been busy making noises here and there. But those were just conversations with friends. Now, I have to be formal. And the guidelines that were discussed already sunk into me. I know they're there for guidance and not really as pattern per se since we all have our own style in delivering things. But the thought that I would be showing a topic this coming Friday that should last at least 10 minutes would be nerve-wracking. I both love and hate attention.
I think I am just scared on who's watching. I wouldn't care less if it would be my teammates since I am so used to dealing with them day in and out. But I would be facing a bunch of perhaps new people who are, uhm, new to me. And that scares me and shies me away. That would make me stutter and forget about things and be a pessimist and have these negative thoughts at the back of my head. (What the hell are they thinking as I do my work in front?). Include grammar, diction, phasing of dicussion, participation and what-have-you.
But everything goes through this. Not training but discussing something educational or interesting (or not) to a group. And I think I would learn to be more in control with my doubt as time passes by. And part of that time would be the day of presentation. Yay!
04.21.06 Fri
5:32pm
Music: The World Is Our Playground And We Will Always Be Home - UdD (The song I picked when one of the facilitators asked the audience for the music of their lives)
Done.
Nervousness was better than me. I never learn. And I never develop. Perhaps, yes. But it takes every inch to pull something through. Inching my way somewhere takes a lot of guts. Guts which I may be the only one who understand.
(I didn't feel oh so proud of my presentation earlier. I admit I gave up last night while I was plotting my supposed topic. I was already on my conclusion when I decided to stop and not think of a new topic anymore and just focus on my account. I did that. I discussed some matters about it. I was off to a good start, I must say. But I was not able to maintain it. Things planned to the last minute didn't transpire. I hate being nervous. Being nervous for some reasons that I do not face and accept and later on to be forgotten. If only you saw me there.
I celebrate for two reasons: I am now a certified peer trainer; and I learned my lesson(s) well today right after I secretly-instantly-unexpectedly-surprisingly ended our discussion. I felt weird as I was talking there. It's too formal. Perhaps my topic. But I knew my topic. I could've given a shot to something that I have more enthusiasm discussing.
The last time I was into that was during my thesis defense. I was nervous but I prepared for it a lot. And I was satisfied with what I did for my group.
But today... I would not be forgetting it. It was my first time I talking infront of titled officemates now that I have gone corpy.
I have additional task(s) now which I openly welcome. I tried getting the position to provide extra support for my home account. And I am proud that I would be able to extend more than being a regular rep. I just need more help from my trainers and fellow peer trainers. :p )
Unhappy and happy. Both I see. Tap my back then I feel fine. Knock on wood send me to cloud 9.
Congratulations to Liza, JR, Gab, Leo, Lea and me! Good job to the team who've took care of us - Miches, Rico, B'ley, Cheeky and Vince. And to the additional advices of Meg, Lit and Aaron. Thanks, guys!
*me knocking my head* Do not dwell on that. Come on. *another bop on the head*
posted by Arn 
at 10:04 PM
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