Peace of the Heart
11.23.06 Thursday
7:11pm
Maawain - With all of my good traits, not that I have loads of 'em, this one I live almost everyday.
When I was still a kid, about 6 or 7, my mom used to cling me with her to the wet market. Usually, that was after church on Sundays. As we passed by the vendors scattered along the streets, those vendors who have no stall, I've always caught myself staring at them and thinking how hard life is.
Those who usually get my attention are the ones who look like mothers selling fish paste in pails, tilapia and bangus in small, stainless trays, tahong (mollusks) in pails, shrimps in trays, crabs in fishnets and mothballs in bilaos (native tray made of bamboo). They this "nakakaawa" look whenever they ask people to buy their stuff. I guess, it's the convincing power of mothers. They melt ones heart.
But of course, I didn't buy any. I was just a kid with no money but admiration on them.
What's the connection of this to my present?
I've always admired my mom. What she did and continuously does to us, I have no qualms to her being my mom. Of course, there is the usual misunderstanding. But I owe everything that I am to her.
I can say no. But sometimes, a 'no' will eventually be a 'yes'. Like when she asks me to buy a bottle of mayonnaise. I say no sometimes especially if it's not part of my budget. But when I'm in the supermarket pushing my cart as I passby each stall, I will grab one for my mom. Babaw ba? Mayonnaise lang? Hehe. No, but in some major things, I can also say no. If my decision should teach us a lesson or make us even stronger individuals, I say it.
But you know, as a man, we are trained not to be too attached to the heart. We are raised to be strong. Society pushes a man to be les emotional.
I remember when I was in first year college and I attended the second day of my ROTC training. It was recruitment period for all those cadets who aspire to be officers. One officers was shouting, "If you will miss your mom after you join this, this is not for you..."
After hearing that, I quietly replied, "Ikaw? Ano ba tingin mo sa nanay mo?"
I think parents or any family member should be spared from his mock.
Another thing that concerns pagiging "maawain."
Tuesday night, as I was waiting for my bus ride home, an old lady approached me asking for some spare coin. I knew she is a beggar. She's rugged. She approached the man standing near me first.
I tolerated giving alms before. But not anymore. Not always this time. Money is so hard to earn. I hope you understand since I earn for my family. And I know how it feels to value every single centavo I earn. The beggar didn't just ask for money. She gave that sad look and grabbed the arm of the person near me. When she came near me, I shook my head. But she didn't stop. She kept following me when I moved to another place. She also attempted to touch me. All I was able to say was, "Tsk!" to my annoyance. Then, she walked away.
The beggar is familiar to me. I see her every night there. She does the same thing everyday.
If I was still a kid, maybe I have given something to her. But I already did myself a favor. I do not burden myself too much with the problems that the government, moreso, their relatives should resolve. As my friend advised me, "Hindi mo kayang solusyunan ang lahat bagay...
[[[ post was interrupted by a customer service call that lasted for about an hour and a half. I went more than an hour beyond my log off time. And what was depressing was that I felt so helpless for our system sucked bigtime... and the process that I was doing for the customer did not go through. In short, the call went a little useless. But I've rendered service as much service I can. And to give last night much more of a spoil, the bus I rode was hit at its back by another bus. ]]]
post continued today
11.24.06 Friday
6:48pm
... na problema ng Pilipinas..." That is right. But my conscience usually knocks on my "kind/unkind" heart to think that I am, hmm, my favorite superhero, Spider-man. Yup. Whatever. I mean, before I give any help, I should know how to help myself first. Likewise, others should know how to help themselves as well. I hope the beggars that roam everywhere will stay at NGOs or be found by their families.
I think I already forgot what else to say. I was still affected by my last call last night when I arrived at the office today. Also, I am suffering from bad stats due to some circumstances. Not bad as in b a d, though. But I do not like what I see in my weekly feedback report. More than that, I am excited to see my annual appraisal. There.
******************
I didn't really like the Bible passage I picked this morning. Those that are from Proverbs and Ecclesiastes usually work for me. But the newspaper, Libre, has an interesting morning prayer in it. Read below.
Lord, Wala na ba talaga akong nakalimutan sa sking Christmas list? Maaga akong nagplano at bumili ng panregalo pero parang may kulang pa rin. Marahil kailangan ko namang bumili ng regalo para sa aking sarili. Maraming salamat po at binigyan N'yo ako ng kakayahang makabili ng mga bagay na ito. Marami po akong mapaliligaya dahil dito.
Just in time for my search for a jean. I think I will fit it in the department store. But the pair that I am going to buy will come from its boutique. Paper bags and plastics bags have their own appeal, you know. Also, the Chillitees CD. Hmm...
posted by Arn 
at 7:02 PM
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