Ain't
I had a short conversation with a relative not more than a week ago. It was a shift from work, house matters, career and love.
Actually, I am not that comfortable talking "serious" things with someone I am not really close to, though we are somewhat related. I just let her speak and ask questions. I was just nodding and answering some of her questions. Most of the time, I just had my shy time (re: defense mechanism). The talk was a bit uninteresting since I wasn't able to share my points. But I gave her nods and answers and shy smiles. I felt I loss sense.
Honestly, I was a bit pissed while we were talking. Because I hate it when there is no interaction. O hate it when I was just there listening and staring until my neck hurts. I hate spaekers who are so full of themselves. Those who don't listen. Those who consume your time just like that. The whole world are never theirs so as my precious time.
And more often than not, I hate hearing chuckles while engaged in a conversation. I sense arrogance in the act.
This relative was already married for about 10 years, I think. The latter part of our conversation was about her nephew who has a new girlfriend. She was telling me the story while having that malicious and meaningful smile and laugh from her. She was in the mood to bash her nephew. How sick was that?
She was asking about what she liked from her nephew. The relationship. The meet and greet my family part. The first kiss. The works.
That brought me to the question, "Is this relative happy?" Then, why isn't she happy for her nephew? I think seeing people in love is one of the nicest sight ever. I think that if there should be somebody who should be happy, it's them, the relatives. Her nephew's family are even alright with the girlfriend.
Then, I expected what should be hit on me. My lovelife. I don't have one. Happy about it. Being judged that you are miserable because I am single was a total shit. Oh, no. I said I am not miserable so being judged is ok, alright (Scrap that shit part). I think I need not explain to her my other plans before I commit myself in a relationship. And I believe I do not owe anyone an explanation.
I know I would be miserable if I haven't enjoyed and fulfilled my life as a single person. At this point, I have a lot in mind all lined up to be done before I have another activity, a relationship, which would definitely divide and consume another part of my time and my life.
(I could drop a name of someone whom I know had this thing with me before and wished I was her boyfriend but I am not doing so. The "fact" that I am adorable, attractive and interesting, I think- haha!-, are already enough for me to be thrilled and humbled and delighted and flattered.)
I was blushing when I had that conversation. I was trying to speak up, not to defend myself for staying single, but to quantify the pros and cons of being one. Of course, I shut up since the talker was a real, uhm, talker. So, I just let her.
I am not so sure if marrying early was her problem since she was preaching about young love and being single. I am not sure if that fact bothers her. I guess, she just have to either envy the single people who enjoy the peak of their young adulthood stage or move on and tell herself that everybody deserve their chance so let them. Hence, we have our own life.
That chuckle. That smile. That laugh. So, immature.
Joe D' Mango or Dr. Love would not even do that when it comes to love concerns, I guess.
posted by Arn 
at 2:53 PM
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