I am a(u)n aspiring...
Just wondering, will we live our beloved dreams 5 to 10 years from now?
I am 23. Quite young. If I may recall, my ambition was to be a doctor as per my high school yearbook stated. I took a science course and got my degree, as the saying goes, with flying colors. I am not saying that graduating from that course was useless since my job now is not related to science at all. Really, really not related to it. But my first job was. Hmp. Maybe, it is related. I am dealing with the science of life. Uhm, biology? Not really. Science of dealing with life and with an organism who has life, a person. Galing ko bang magpalusot?
Well, it has been two days since I've been thinking about my elementary and high school classmates. No, I am not on a senti mode of missing them. I've said, "classmates," not friends. I didn't make a number of friends back then. I've always thought that I am not part of the "in" crowd during those years. Ok, this post is not all about my intrapersonal skills. On with post...
I've browsed on almost all their friendster accounts to check on what they've been up to lately. Again, I am not missing them. I was just curious. Alright, I miss some but not all. Hehe! Some have their own families already. Some already have, not one but two babies. And I am thinking that we are just between 22-24 yrs old. Some already look like they have their own families but actually are single (some, since birth). Mukhang nanay at tatay na maski na dalagang-dalaga at binatang-binatan pa. Some looked like foreigners. Some in the foreign land working as "the new heroes of the country." You know what I mean.
For the past 5, 8, 10 years that I haven't seen them, alot (read: A - L-O-T) of change happened and I'm sure that change is continuously happening as time passes by.
I remember this particular schoolmate of mine in elementary. She was small, thin. Not the pansinin type. During our graduation rites, she tripped on the stage. Yesterday, I saw her friendster account and boom! She looked so fine. She already migrated to the US. All her pictures are taken in Vegas while partying with her chums. She looked like someone from Hawaii. She has long, brown hair, thick make up, etc. I did wonder if those kind of changes would be experienced by me once I live in a foreign land. I was asking myself if I would also change physically once I live outside this country.
Another one, but this time my high school classmate. We also went to the same university during college. But the last time I heard about him was his transfer to another university, a less "popular" one, because of failing grades. I saw his friendster account and found out that he is now working in Dubai with his girlfriend. Three thoughts crossed my mind. More graduates, less job and low pay in this country. Second was that sometimes, you would find love in your least expected place. When you are not in your native land, usually you bond with people who also came from where you're from. Eventually, friendship could bloom into a romantic relationship. If this is his case, I am amazed by it. The last thought I had was money plays a big, big role to put up your family. Love only would not keep you alive.
Not all of my former classmates are living that life, so to speak. Some are still jobless. Some are still in school pursuing another degree, graduate studies or med school. Some, in the same business as mine.
"How am I?," I asked myself. "What am I doing with my life?"
I've been all good in school. I never gave my teachers a hard time. I've been a nice classmate. I even let some copy from me during quizzes. I almost always follow the rules (except for no copying and passing groups projects on time.). Look, where it lead me. I don't know if being too good would break you. I don't know. Maybe, these classmates that I've mentioned are earning more than I am. But there's still the bummer that I am here with my friends and loved ones and they're there missing every inch of our beloved land. Or maybe not.
Probably, my Phycology professor was right. He told me that I am a very nice and friendly person. A lot of opportunities are coming my way but I am just too scared to grab them and make a killing. (In one of our classes, he asked us to sign our names on a sheet of paper for our attendance taht day. I think he has some knowlegde about reading one's handwriting. After he said his take on my signature, my friend told my professor that he was right. I am passive about the things happening to me.)
When I tell myself that a "little" cheating/wrong thing won't hurt, in just a few seconds, my conscience strikes faster than lightning. I have this thing with karma and other person's feelings and my values and issues about having a better life in a just way. No, I am not all good. I have my share of demonic moments. And up to date, I sin. I cuss. I swear. I break trust (Not the condom. Haha!). But I still try to be the best person I could be. Not minding if I'd get promoted or if I'd be a TOYM awardee (lakas!). I just want to see myself being able to smile at me.
But one's satisfaction is objective. I do not know if you would find it weird or something. Who doesn't need a greater pay? who doesn't need a better spot in a company. Who doesn't like a high profiled stature? Geez. Where did that come from? (FYI, I haven't applied for a promotion in my present company. I may sound bitter on this paragraph but I am not. I am just happy to realize how "power" could create a certain "chin up" attitude on some people.)
I also tell myself that all sacrifices have a better deal in heaven (Hallelujiah!). But what if my soul would not end up there? O, hindeeeee.
I think ambitons do materialize beyond those yearbook pages. But it doesn't necessarily follow that what you have in mind when you are 16 would be the same when you are 21.
I am just surprised on what my former friends and classmates have become. I am sure that they would also be as surprised as I am when they see me. Perhaps, that long interval of not seeing each other compared to the 5-day school routine of attending the same chores together would stir the moment.
Perhaps, we are getting there. We are getting old. Oh, my.
posted by Arn 
at 10:40 AM
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