03.12.06 Sun
7:35am
Music: Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day
Each of us had one.
From my quest to find a nice jean, I noticed that Hang Ten has nice shirts than jeans. American and Asian sizes are available. Sadly, neither of these sizes for their polo shirts fit me. Sob.
I went back to the store for my brothers' gift. Their shirts in same styles have color varities. So, one shirt in a particular style may be available in 3 or 4 colors which is cool if you really like the design and the fit, of course.
So, I browsed through their "2 for 600 bucks" shirts. I was the one who also tried them on. I liked one the shirts that I tried. I went another round inside to find out that I was already carrying 3 shirts from that section. If I was buying 3, one would be priced P395 since 2 pairs are for 600. Without a wink, I picked one shirt for women. That I didn't try. Haha. That was for my sister. Instead of buying 2, I had 4 that caused a sudden damage to my wallet. I just withdrew the remaining money for my last pay period. Those money were intended for my weekly allowance, grocery, water and electric bills and for my gifts.
I mentioned yesterday that I was thinking twice if I had to buy them a shirt. I am saving some excess money from my allowance in case I want to buy something for myself. I just replaced the money I spent yesterday from my savings. So, I have none now. And I have to pay my brothers' tuition fees next, next week.
I walked out from the store with 2 bags smiling. I know my sibs would like the shirts. And they did since I do not have the items today for exchange.
Boarding the mrt and the bus pissed me. One lady kept leaning on me setting me to out balance myself. Inside the bus, a passenger again was unintentionally hitting me with a hand carry once in awhile. At this time, I demand more respect as a passenger. Before, I was all patient and tend to understand. But now I think that everyone should have sensitivity and respect towards others especially when you are in a public place. The only word I uttered to let go was "tsk". And I felt guilty saying so. That was not me. I usually keep quiet. It felt good. When the passenger accidentally hit me again, I let it be and pretended I was sleeping.
My seatmate in the bus, later, asked me for directions. She was not familiar with our province. I told her about the bus stop and all. It usually happens to me. When I do something not so pleasant, God would make a way to balance that with a good act. After a good act, I sometimes commit another bad one. Then, God is graceful enough to allow me to make up for that by giving me another way to do a good deed. Of course, a wrong doing may also result a bad thing to me. Karma.
So, giving gifts to my sibs, I think, would result something good to me. The money I spent would be replaced in time for paying my family's dues. God always has a way of not letting me know that I am already saving enough money to pay for, let's say, a first semester tuition fee. Just an installment but still, I am able to put ends meet and settle things that are necessary. Anyway, my younger brother is about to enter his 4th year in college.
segway:
Probably, this would also be the reason why I stay to be unattached or committed.
I tend to give more than I could. I am always friends with the words eventually, understanding, perhaps, maybe, okay and sometimes.
My fear of being abused is there. Not sexually (But I think I might like it if that's the case. Haha!). I have observed myself to be outrageous when I am so into someone or a company. when I go out and we are short, I offer my extra money so as not to spoil the night and keep the happy feeling on. Also, I might spend my own money on dates. I would not settle for KKB or chip in's. Not that I want to impress but it's the feeling that I am the man, you know. I might spend on movies, coffees, dinners, taxi fares and all that romance which I think might not be good. Cos being a man should also be being stable and able to provide something for married life or if I am already planning to start my own family.
I tell myself that I am not romantic. But I am willing to spend everything for romance - getaways, to be exact. I am also tied with my responsibilities as the head of my family and the amount of time I should give my future love. I might lose my sense of balance in my relationships.
Oh, sh*t. Now, I am talking about relationships. I should stop now. But before I end, I'll tell that I hate the demands of a romantic relationship. How selfish I am. Ok. Zip my mouth now. :teehee:
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Last night I was thinking about one of those conversations I had with my friend/college classmate, Haydee.
When the class was seated alphabetically from our last names, Haydz was usually on my left. She was the one seated beside the one in front of me. So, in that set up we had our time talking to each other. We would also talk about things while waiting for our next class seating on the benches at the high school are. We would share laughs while reviewing in corridors, in the garden or inside the lab or while taking our snacks at the canteen at the roof top of the main bldg or going to the xerox area, gym or just walking around the campus. First, I thought that we would not bond like that or she would not talk serious things with me since she also has her own set of friends.
I think we had a conversation about our plans after graduation more than once. She already planned that she;s going to med school. And now, she's indeed fulfilling her dream. I told her how amazed I was with all her plans. She would constantly asked my plans but she would stop once she remembers that I would support my family. I never reminded her of that. But she always remembers that I would be supporting my family after I graduate. That I admire her the most. She understood that money would be a problem if I enter a med school since 3 of my siblings are also studying in good schools. I know she knows that I would not want to consume all our financial source for my future alone. Besides, I changed my decision in having a medical degree as early as 2nd year college.
I like how Haydz would walk with me going somewhere while she tells me that she encourages me about the responsibilities that I would be meeting as soon as we finish school.
By the way, she's been taken by her long-time nursing student boyfriend. By now, her boyfriend might already be a registered nurse while Haydz is already in her clerkship stage in a hospital.
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Happy Birthday to my teammate, Lei, who promised us a pizza!!! :p
posted by Arn 
at 9:24 AM
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