I Try
(An email from my friend Jaja)
An old but inspiring one...
This is the commencement speech by the writer, Anna Quindlen, to the graduates at Villanova School.
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It's a great honor for me to be the third member of my family to receive an honorary doctorate from this great university.
It's an honor to follow my great Uncle Jim, who was a gifted physician, and my Uncle Jack, who is a remarkable businessman. Both of them could have told you something important about their professions, about medicine or commerce. I have no specialized field of interest or expertise, which puts me at a disadvantage talking to you today.
I'm a novelist.
My work is human nature. Real life is all I know. Don't ever confuse the two, your life and your work. The second is only part of the first. Don't ever forget what a friend once wrote Senator Paul Tsongas when the senator decided not to run for re-election because he had been diagnosed with cancer: "No man ever said on his deathbed, 'I wish I had spent more time at the office."
Don't ever forget the words my father sent me on a postcard last year: "If you win the rat race, you're still a rat."
Or what John Lennon wrote before he was gunned down in the driveway of the Dakota: "Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans."
You will walk out of here this afternoon with only one thing that no one else has. There will be hundreds of people out there with your same degree; there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you will be the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk, or your life on a bus, or in a car, or at the computer. Not just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank account but your soul.
People don't talk about the soul very much anymore. It's so much easier to write a resume than to craft a spirit. But a resume is a cold comfort on a winter night, or when you're sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you've gotten back the test results and they're not so good.
Here is my resume:
I am a good mother to three children. I have tried never to let my profession stand in the way of being a good parent.
I no longer consider myself the center of the universe.
I show up.
I listen.
I try to laugh.
I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make marriage vows mean what they say. I am a good friend to my friends, and they to me. Without them, there would be nothing to say to you today, because I would be a cardboard cutout. But I call them on the phone, and I meet them for lunch. I would be rotten, or at best mediocre at my job, if those other things were not true. You cannot be really first rate at your work if your work is all you are.
So here's what I wanted to tell you today: Get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger paycheck, the larger house. Do you think you'd care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon, or found a lump in your breast?
Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze over Seaside Heights, a life in which you stop and watch how a red tailed hawk circles over the water or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a Cheerio with her thumb and first finger.
Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Pick up the phone. Send an e-mail. Write a letter.
Get a life in which you are generous. And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around. Take money you would have spent on beers and give it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a big brother or sister. All of you want to do well. But if you do not do good too, then doing well will never be enough.
It is so easy to waste our lives, our days, our hours, our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the color of our kids' eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again.
It is so easy to exist instead of to live. I learned to live many years ago. Something really, really bad happened to me, something that changed my life in ways that, if I had my druthers, it would never have been changed at all.
And what I learned from it is what, today, seems to be the hardest lesson of all: I learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that it is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get. I learned to look at all the good in the world and try to give some of it back because I believed in it, completely and utterly. And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned.
By telling them this: Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a baby's ear. Read in the backyard with the sun on your face. Learn to be happy.
And think of life as a terminal illness, because if you do, you will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived...
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Vocabulary:
** druthers - n. the right or chance to choose; "given my druthers, I'd eat cake" [syn: preference] (from dictionary.com)
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I won't contest (tama ba spelling?). Ganito ang mga article na gusto kong basahin. Yung tipong mapapa-hmm ako. Tas sasabihin ko sa sarili ko na, "Tama nga naman." At mapapangiti ako kasi naka-relate ako.
Kahapon lang pauwi, e napag-isip na naman po ang inyong abang lingkod.
Sa may third row sa harap ako nakaupo, sa may aisle kasi nahihilo ko sa tabi ng bintana. Eh, di ako makatulog kasi ang gara nung ilaw nung bus. Pinaghalong green at yellow lights kaya nakakahilo. Kahit na medyo inaantok ako't kakakain ko lang ng 2 donuts at freeze mocha nun sa bus habang naghihintay ng pasahero.
Ok. On with the story. Naisip ko na kakasweldo ko nga lang pala kahapon. Pero di ko pa wi-nithdraw yun kasi nga may allowance na ko for this week. Hinahanda ko na ng maaga para di ako magkumamot na maghanap ng pera pag start ng work week ko. Tas pumasok sa isip ko na ako'y namamasukan sa isang kumpanyang nagpapasweldo ng higit sa minimum sa kanilang mga empleyado. Naisip ko ang mga kuya ko.. ang ate ko.. ang kapatid kong mas bata sakin na teller ngayon sa isang bangko. Parang mas mataas ata ang sweldo ko sa kanila.
Ang dalawa kong kuya, eh di naman natapos yung college kasi nag-asawa agad yung isa. Pero may trabaho naman sila pero di ganun ka-stable. Yung ate ko, eh teacher sa isang school for care givers. Yung kapatid ko, eh yun nga, teller sa bangko sa maynila. Tas may isa pa kong kuya na pinakapanganay pero mas mabuti pang di ko na lang sambitin ang kanyang ngalan. At ako, isang customer service rep. Take note : di ako operator(!). May 2 pa kong mas batang kapatid na nag-aaaral pa din ngayon.
Fact na naman na pag sa call center ka nagtatrabaho, eh mas malaki ang sweldo mo sa karamihan. Naisip ko na pa'no na lang yung mga nagbebenta ng kanilang produkto sa palenge. Depende sa lakas o tumal ng araw ang kita nila. Sa mga nangongontrata? Depende kung may makuha sila ng deal. Eh, yung mga saleslady o nasa counter ng food chain? Pa'no kaya nila pinagkakasya yung kita nila? Eh, kung may pamilya silang sinusuportahan o may pinagagamot na mahal sa buhay? Pa'no pa kung ang layo ng bahay nila sa kanilang pinapasukan. Patay ka sa pamasahe lalo pa't nagtaas na ng pamasahe ang mga galing ng norte dahil sa bagong expressway.
Dapat ko ba silang problemahin? Problema ko ba ang problema nila? Oo. Naiisip ko sila. Pero di ko sila pinoproblema. Paano ko naman ma-e-enjoy ang sarili kong buhay kung maski kalat na iniwan ng isang pasahero sa bus, e isang malaking issue pa sakin? Naaapektuhan lang ako. Di ko alam kung mabilis akong maawa pero mabilis kong naiisip ang sarili ko na nasa kalagayan nila.
Kasi nga naman di pa ko ganun ka-segurado na stable na ang trabaho ko ngayon. Yung tipong di ako magre-resign. For good na. Eto na ang aking karera, tapos. Sa ngayon, talagang di ko pa masabi. Sa bayad, wala naman akong problema, e. Nabibili ko naman ang mga gusto ko. Di naman ako maluho. Daanin lang natin sa ipon. Di yung isang bugso lang ng sweldo, eh nilipad lang ng hangin at di man lamang nag-init sa pikata ko.
Sinubukan ko ring ikumpara ang sarili ko nung mga oras na iyon sa ibang tao. Oo, sige. Mas mayaman siya. Mas "maganda" ang trabaho. Masaya sa aking palagay ang kanyang buhay. Ngunit di ko malalaman kung iyon ay totoo hangga't di ako nagiging siya. Ang ibig kong sabihin, e eto ko. Iyon siya. Talagang malaki ang pinagkaiba. Maaaring may kinikimkim din sya o hinihiling na sana'y ibang tao s'ya. Yun ang di ko alam.
Sa aking palagay ay sa ngayon madami pa din tayong gusto. Ako. Ikaw. Wala pa siguro tayo sa punto na kuntento na tayo sa buhay na meron tayo.. sa mga narating natin.. sa mga naipanalo nating laban.. sa mga natupad nating mga pangarap at hiling.. Bata pa kasi tayo. Ako, oo. Malay ko lang sa'yo kung ilang taon ka na. Biro lang. Pero kung pakaiisipin ay mas nauubos ang oras ng karamihan kakaisip ng "baka" o "sakali" o "siguro". Pinapalampas natin ang oras na di man lang tayo napangiti ng ating iniisip. Bagkus ay kunot na noo lamang ang salamin ng ating pag-aalala.
O, ayan. Alala. Worry sa Ingles. Ang bigat ng salita. Parang nakakatanggal ng lakas di lamang pisikal kundi maging emosyunal. Sa loob ng isang oras, palagay ko e may ilang minuto din ako nakakapag-alala ng kung anong bagay. Sumahin mo yung 24 oras, e di ang daming minuto din ang nasayang sa kakaalala ko. Na sa bandang huli ay di ko alam kung may katuturan o wala kasi tapos na ang oras sa kakaisip.
Maging kahapon. Di ba senyal ng pag-aalala ang pag-iisip ko kahapon? Ngunit iyon nama'y may saysay. Napagtanto ko naman ang maraming bagay. Concern lang naman ako. Nasa konteksto na naman ng salita --- concern = alala.
"It is so easy to exist instead of to live," wika ng may akda. Mas mahirap nga naman na mabuhay. Parang um-attend ka ng isang party. Tupperware party to be exact. Ang beso-beso nga ba ay ayos? Masayang maghanda at magdamit ng magara at humarap sa ibang mga imbitado. Pero ang ngumiti at makipagkwentuhan ng ayon sa loob mo e mahirap.
*inom ng freeze mocha*
Syeters! Brain freeze. Na-back to reality ako ng di oras. Malapit na pala kong bumaba. Tas pagbaba ko ng bus. Tinignan ko ang anino ko sa ilalim ng poste at sinabi ko sa sarili ko, "Mahaba na nga ang buhok ko. Pero gusto ko 'to. Masasabi ko sa sarili ko pagtanda ko na minsan naranasan ko naman ang long hair." Mababaw, oo. Pero yan naman ang buhay sa tingin ko. Sa kababawan, e mahuhuli mo na lang ang sarili mo na ngingiti-ngiti at napapailing.
Parang gawin mo na lahat ng magandang bagay hangga't maaga pa. Hangga't bata ka pa. Subukan mo na maski isang beses lang. Para di mo masabi sa sarili mo na, "Sayang..," o "Sana..." Mahalaga, e sinubukan nating mabuhay.
Gaya ngayon. Sayang at di ko masalin sa Ingles 'to ng maintindihan ng mga nagba-blog hop. Pero ok na din 'to.
Magandang araw sa inyo. (Good day in English. -- Eto man lang ma-translate ko. Haha!)
Last Song Syndrome:
I Try
by Macy Grey
Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together
But we're not
I play it off but I'm dreaming of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin.
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
I may seem alright and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
I play it off but I'm dreamin of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Here is my confession
May I be your possession
Boy I need your touch
Your love kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can't deny, deny
I play it off but I'm dreaming of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
posted by Arn 
at 12:38 PM
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