Gimme A Break
break
v. broke, bro·ken, break·ing, breaks
v. tr.
1. To cause to separate into pieces suddenly or violently; smash.
2. To vary or disrupt the uniformity or continuity of: a plain that was broken by low hills; caught the ball without breaking stride.
3. To weaken or destroy, as in spirit or health; overwhelm with adversity:
“For a hero loves the world till it breaks him” (William Butler Yeats).
4. To fail to conform to; violate: break the speed limit.
v. intr.
1. To burst: The blister broke.
2. To move away or escape suddenly: broke from his grip and ran off.
3. To emerge above the surface of water.
4. To become known or noticed: The big story broke on Friday.
5. To change direction or move suddenly: The quarterback broke to the left to avoid a tackler.
6. To discontinue an association, an agreement, or a relationship: The partners broke over a financial matter. One hates to break with an old friend.
7. To diminish in or lose physical or spiritual strength; weaken or succumb: Their good cheer broke after repeated setbacks.
8. To collapse or crash into surf or spray: waves that were breaking along the shore.
n.
1. The act or an occurrence of breaking.
2. The result of breaking, as a crack, separation, or opening: a break in the clouds.
3. The beginning or emergence of something: the break of day
(meaning courtesy of dictionary.com)
Isn't the word break such a strong word?
Well after giving you a rundown of meanings you have to agree with me. But wait. Read my post first then answer the question.
Add some words with "break" and a new meaning will emerge. But if you'll ask me on-the-spot about the first thing/s that come/s to mind after hearing the word, here are my answers:
a. separation
b. goodbyes
c. change in size, form or quantity
d. rest
Break could be associated with lovers or to those not in a romantic relationship or basically to those in a relationship in whatever kind. For us Pinoys, hearing, "Uy, break na sila." means the couples are off or already parted ways.
How about in friendship? (Sabi ko na nga ba't eto na naman, e.) Hmm. I think it's the cycle. I don't think it's the routine. Or whatever. See. We walk. We talk. We eat. Then, meet strangers. Talk again. Eat. Make friends with these strangers.. and voila! We make friends. Some stay. Some don't. Breaking the cycle, isn't it? That goes that "break" word again.
I think I have been on a long, long break away from my childhood friends. The year that I stopped making tambay (pa-konyo naman ako ngayon :bonkself:) was I think when I was in second year college. I feel I went on a vacation or got in a dorm or permanently transferred to a new home and forgot my way back. Yes, it's true. I got lost. And whenever I am with them, I continue to feel being lost. The closest that I got to them was on drinking sessions. I barely know what plans they have.. what hobbies they like. I don't even know if they have a Friendster account or not. Well, I've tried to search them on the site. Some are there. Some aren't. Still, I didn't send an invite. In short, malayo na talaga loob ko sa karamihan sa kanila.
Aquaintance. Friends. Chums. Buddy. Lots of names. It's weird thinking that I grew up with almost all of them and yet we aren't still comfortable hanging around each other. I just think that not all people really click and I am not the friendliest person on earth. I didn't give up on them. I am not home that's why I needed a break.
During that so-called break, which I enjoyed for your information, I met a lot of interesting people. Ok, not really a lot. But they are many. You know, in college, at work, in the worldwide web. Looking at the big picture, I appreciate these people more. Probably because I got what I wanted from a friend. And there should be a reason why I look forward to meeting these friends again. I mean, my college friends know how I badly miss them. (Baka magselos yung iba kong kaibigan. Lahat talaga ng malapit sakin, e kung ma-miss ko ganun na lang. Kaya pag nami-miss ko kung sinuman, e para kong nagke-crave ng pagkain. Yung tipong di ko tatantanan sa pagkain, sa tao naman, e sa pangungulit.)
I also did myself a favor when I chose to be in this job that I am dealing with right now. Yeah, not in line of what I finished in college. I took the chance and now I have no regrets yet. But on the first months, I was about to quit. Working on a night shift killed me. It was new. It was hard. It was life-stealing. My routine was work-home-sleep for 4 hours-then work. I was so drained, exhausted and saturated that time. There was this one time that I took my lunch, which was around 3:30 a.m, outside a certain 24-hr convenience store.. sat on the stair.. ate a hotdog sandwich.. got surprised that a tear fell from my eye.. then, a sudden rush of the cold morning air.. found myself teary-eyed.. began questioning if it's (work) all worth it. I got tired of everything. I was even telling everyone in the house that I might pass my resignation paper after my bond in the company which was for 4 months.
Out of nowhere, I got back from my original self. Somewhat like a renewed spirit. I found myself excited everytime I'm going to work. That's the time I met my on line friends. They kept me company during those nights (Wholesome 'to, a.). Before, I was not happy working on Sunday nights but after making new friends, Sundays are long hour chat nights for me. We were simultaneously in conference rooms and messageboards. Honestly, they filled up the space left by my college friends. I felt I was in college again. My officemates are also nice to chat with. Don't get me wrong. It's bad to bug them during calls. Plus, we have an own world when we're here, surfing and stuff.
At sa trabaho pa din, nararanasan ko sa iba't ibang pagkakataon yung parang papasok ako ng opis na parang pumasok ako kasi yun ang takbo na kasi ng sistema ng katawan ko. Minsan naliligo ako tas maghahanda papasok. Sasakay ng MRT tas maglalakad sa Ayala. Pagdating ko sa opis, e parang wala lang. Yung tipong ang may kontrol sakin, e yung fact/idea na may pasok kasi ko kaya lakad ako tas punta ng opis. Tapos, naglalakad ako minsan na lumulutang ang isip. Nananaginip ng gising kumbaga. At di lang gising, naglalakad pa. Daydreaming while walking. Panibagong skill na naman o isang branch ng nakasanayan ko nang art of multi-tasking? Haha!
Another example -- Most of the time, I hate it when my mom bugs me about the money I should give her. You know, I chip in some amount for the expenses at home since I already have a job. Whenever she's asking extra or telling me that my brother needs to pay this or asking me to buy a gift for this friend, I would really get mad to the point that I tell my mom that it's only me that she sees (tama ba grammar ko?) . Ok, that's bad. But even after that masikip sa dibdib at di-bukal sa pusong pagbibigay ng share, e ok na ko. I even buy some groceries every Monday. I always complain about money matters but I still give. Then, I realized that going to the grocery is one of my relievers. One of my timeouts.
Breaking away. Personal style is personal style. I have a not so long hair right now. And my relatives just didn't like it. They're all telling me to have it cut the next time I visit them. I just smiled at them. An aunt even asked me if I tie my hair. Hmm.. gives me an idea. Haha! A conservative family, yeah. A guy should have a short hair, shaved and all. Conventional. But I don't look like a trash. I grow my hair then I cut it. Then, I grow it back. That's just me. I want to tell my future grand children that I, not once, not twice grew my hair during my younger years. Who wants to be so plain by just sticking to one look? Kahit simple lang suot mo tas long hair ka, e may dating na. Yun ang sa tingin ko. But I'm planning to cut my hair already. That should be soon.
A break cracks something in me (Break is synonymous to crack, di ba? Ala na ko maisip na salita, e) . Thinking about the good times while I'm just resting. Or even just a few seconds of time to inhale and exhale. Maski pa konting panahon lang sa mga oras na may ginagawa ako gaya ng habang naglalakad pauwi, nagta-type ng post o nakapila sa bilihan ng pagkain, may maiiisip akong bagay na magpapangiti sakin. Sa ganun, buo na ang araw ko. Minsan nga habang naglalakad pauwi samin, e medyo mahangin. Hinayaan ko lang na hipan ako ng hangin at dampian ang pisngi ko ng dalang lamig nito. Tas sinabi ko sa sarili ko na, "Eto ang buhay.. ang sarap." O, kahit yung pagkain ko ng balut o tubo habang nakaupo ako sa may bakod namin tas nasa ilalim ako ng madilim na kalangitan, napapangiti pa din ako kasi parang mga deja vu yung mga nangyayari. Parang na-experience ko na, di ko lang matukoy kung kelan. O yung makipagkwentuhan ako sa isa kong kuya o kaibigan na kahit medyo nagkakailangan pa kasi di kami close, e patuloy pa din sa paglalahad ng mga bagay na nasa isip namin. Isipin mo 'yun. O kaya just go on line and chat with a friend. It's too early to say that I'm consumed.
Worries just crash happiness. So why should I deprive myself to be happy? Worries are just around the corner. Happiness is also just around the corner. Imagine, you're walking in a street where you would see pleasant and the not so pleasant things. I bet you would choose to look at the pleasant ones. This life is so beautiful for me to spend my time worrying. So, I better stop typing the word anymore. Hehe!
I, personally, need a break once in a while. Sino ba naman ang hindi? Pero para sakin, e pede na nga yung isang KitKat (Have a break. Have a...) o kahit anupang chocolate. Di ba yung sugar rush, e nakakapagpangiti sa isang tao. And speaking of ngiti, that's all we need the most. A smile. Notice how it lightens your mood and lifts you up.
Last Song Syndrome:
A Place Near By
Lene Marlin
I entered the room
Sat by your bed all through the night
I watched your daily fight
I hardly knew
The pain was almost more than I could bear
And still I hear
Your last words to me.
Heaven is a place nearby
So I won’t be so far away.
And if you try and look for me
Maybe you’ll find me someday.
Heaven is a place nearby
So there’s no need to say goodbye
I wanna ask you not to cry
I’ll always be by your side.
You just faded away
You spread your wings you had flown
Away to something unknown
Wish I could bring you back.
You’re always on my mind
About to tear myself apart.
You have your special place in my heart.
Always heaven is a place nearby
So I won’t be so far away.
And if you try and look for me
Maybe you’ll find me someday.
Heaven is a place nearby
So there’s no need to say goodbye
I wanna ask you not to cry
I’ll always be by your side.
And even when I go to sleep
I still can hear your voice
And those words
I will never forget
posted by Arn 
at 7:51 AM
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